If you read my blog regularly, you’ll certainly see a few repeating themes, among them the importance of living in awareness and gratitude of God and the critical nature of silent, contemplative prayer to do that. But there’s more, of course. As much as we need our times of silence, we need times of conversation and storytelling with friends new and old.
I received an email from L’Arche St. Louis this morning that helped drive this idea home for me, for the email contained this quote from Henri Nouwen, who lived in a L’Arche community for many years:
“Pay attention to the people God puts in your path if you want to discern what God is up to in your life.”
St. Ignatius reminds us in his First Principle and Foundation that “all the things in this world are . . . presented to us so that we can know God more easily and make a return of love more readily.” All the things of this world certainly include those people God puts in our lives. They are there for a reason, so we need to listen to them.
The people that God puts into our lives have words for us, and we have words for them. Perhaps we will learn from their wisdom and advice. Perhaps we will learn from the stories they tell. Perhaps we will learn and benefit from the cautionary tales they tell of the times they failed. But we’ll never know if we don’t create opportunities to share our stories.
I gave a retreat for cancer patients and caretakers a few weeks ago and, as it was a relatively small group, we spent each meal team gathered around a large table. I came prepared with a few questions that would spur storytelling beyond “how was your day” and “great weather, huh?” We talked about the towns or neighborhoods where we grew up. We talked about the influence of parents — good and bad — and of important mentors and teachers. We talked about first jobs and childhood dreams. We talked about the most beautiful and the scariest things we had ever seen. We told stories and, along the way, we saw the ways we were all very much alike and all the ways we were different.
And although I didn’t ask, I feel confident that we all learned something about ourselves from listening to others. As we listened to the childhood stories of neighbors and families and the games we played, our pasts came bubbling back up to us and became alive again. We treasured them because we became aware of them, and perhaps we began to see what God was doing all that time, how through times good and bad, healthy and sick, God was working and moving and preparing us to be the people we are today.
So I challenge you to build more opportunities for real storytelling (and story-listening) in your life. Here are a few ideas to help you kick start the conversations:
1. Don’t assume it will just “happen.” Sometimes, even with the closest of friends, we find ourselves rehashing the same old conversation topics. Sometimes, like on my retreat, we need to be purposeful and bring some new questions to the conversation. You can certainly do this yourself, but there are resources available like Table Talk Cards or the conversation cards from Switch Coffee, focused on conversations designed to challenge deeply held perceptions about race, class and “the other.”
2. Speaking of “the other,” challenge yourself to have conversations with people who don’t look, sound or worship like you. Not only will you learn more about someone else, you will come to more deeply appreciate your own history, culture and beliefs. Seek them out. Invite them to lunch or coffee.
3. Be a good listener. Really listen. Be open to being changed (or at least challenged) by what you hear. Remember, you may be hearing what God wants you to hear. You may not agree with what someone is saying, of course, but good, creative conversation is not about interrupting and “fixing” the other.
My university colleague Dedric told me he often starts a conversation with a new person by asking, “who are you, what do you do and why does it matter?” So often we never get past those first two questions and on to the third and more important. All good conversation and storytelling, done in a spirit of community and goodwill, can lead us to a deeper understanding of ourselves and what God wants from us.
Gather. Listen. Reflect.
What’s your favorite conversation starter? Leave a comment for all to see!
Thanks for reposting this as it gives me an opportunity to respond again.
The art of conversation seems to be dying out; nowadays the kids will tweet or text rather than speak to one another. The other problem is that we are all so busy that when we speak to someone we very often have our eyes elsewhere because “I must just catch… before he goes” leaving the person to whom we are speaking feeling “Why did he bother speaking to me in the first place? He doesn’t care about me at all!” Speak but do Listen!!
In November, 2016, my husband died suddenly and alone. After his death I asked Hod to show me what He wanted me to do now that I had no marriage obligations. As it turned out, I met an elderly man who is a social activist in my state. Talking to him and listening to his outlook on justice, my life changed from being an observer and a person who agreed in theory, to an active member of a prison ministry. The gentleman, Bill, showed me Jesus’ view of righteousness and justice. I started visiting prisoners and have heard wonderful testimonials to the Lord Jesus for changing their lives. The stories and witnessing to Gods power radiates in these people’s faces. I’ve seen attitudes change and burdens lifted from people’s souls. Listen, just listen. God is speaking to us through His people, no matter who or where they are.
Mary, what a powerful story and experience for you. Thanks for sharing it, and thank you for this important ministry. Stories are so powerful.
Steve