A Rebuilding Year: Shooting for Perfection

Spring 2011. Photo by Steve Givens

Again I will build you, and you shall be built.” Jeremiah 31:4

If all goes as planned, sometime this summer I will be rebuilt, remade and renewed when the flow of someone else’s stem cells enters my bloodstream and makes its way, literally, to the marrow of my bones. So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be rebuilt from the metaphorical ground up. And, well, it’s spring and all that.

Spring has definitely sprung here in St. Louis, although I wouldn’t put it past Mother Nature to throw a morning frost or even a snow flurry our way within the next few weeks. But Cardinal baseball has started and the world is turning warm and green and full of color. So it’s easy to think about life and rebirth. I received a wonderful note this past week from a reader of “Living Faith” and this blog. A gifted writer herself, Kathleen Matson wrote:

“I know this week was to hold an answer for you about the match.  I know that whatever answer you have, God is holding you in the palm of his hand and he will give you continued strength.  As the summer birds are returning each day, and I listen to their spring-time chorus, I am reminded of the new life that runs through the veins of all God’s creation this time of year, and I am encouraged.”

I was thinking the same kind of thoughts this weekend as I sat on the back deck. The trees in the woods behind my house have sprouted their leaves and turned the view into a tapestry of greens and grays and browns, punctuated by the occasional bright reds of male cardinals and their off-red mates making their way back home for the season. As a pair landed on a sunlit branch near the back of the yard, the color of the male looked almost fluorescent, as near to a “perfect red” as I could imagine. And at that moment my mind followed its poetic leanings and slipped into the sometimes-dangerous territory of contemplating my own perfection or, more precisely, my lack of it.

For it’s easy enough to think about all the ways I feel far from perfect these days – easy enough to sit and ponder all the curve balls being flung at my head. But, of course, I’ve never been perfect so what I am so worried about?

Perfection (and the search for perfection) is a tough nut to crack and a dangerous road to journey down. For if we live our lives in constant quests for perfect lives, perfect love, perfect health, perfect family, perfect jobs – how disappointed in ourselves and in God we will be when that perfection never comes (or makes a brief appearance and then disappears in the next turn in the road, as it often does.)

In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus tells us to “be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5: 48) But as a wise priest once taught me while on a retreat, substitute the word “compassionate” for “perfect” and you’ll be closer to the truth of Jesus’ words. God calls us to be compassionate, but not perfectly compassionate. He calls us to be faithful, but also knows that perfect faith is outside of our grasp. He calls us to a life of discipleship, but knows that we will fall and fail many times in the course of the journey.

Thankfully, such is the relationship we can have with God. We’re not perfect and God loves us anyway. He doesn’t love us because we have perfectly proved our love or showed the extent of our faith. When we learn to realize this grace and give up an ego-centered drive for perfection, when we make this concept the guiding light of our lives, only then can we experience what only God can give: perfect peace.

Forest Light. Photo by Steve Givens
Forest Light. Photo by Steve Givens

Contemplating the variety and diversity of flowers, Christian mystic St. Therese Of Lisieux once wrote: “I have come to realize, that the radiance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not take away the fragrance of the little violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy.” Therese came to the realization, as we all should, that “perfection consists in being what God wants us to be.”

Health update: [UPDATED on April 14th around 11 a.m.]: Just heard that my sister and I are a match for the stem cell transplant! And my blood counts were up yesterday, which means the MDS is not moving toward becoming leukemia yet, which makes the transplant all the more likely to fully succeed. More to come. It’s a beautiful day…

7 comments On A Rebuilding Year: Shooting for Perfection

  • Suzanne Oberholtzer

    Steve– What fantastic news! Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I trust that you’re in good hands– cosmic-ly, spiritually, and medically. And I know there are lots of us out here sending an abundance of positive thoughts your way. Godspeed on your path! Suzanne

  • Hey, Suz. Thanks. Sue and I are coming to Orlando again the last week of May for a getaway before the hospital stuff. Drinks again??

  • I “second” what Suzanne wrote. God-speed in all things, blessings, Rosemary

  • Steve,how happy I feel for you and your family about the match!! Thanks be to God! How good He is! The prayers will continue for you, your family and the medical team as always! This is wonderful news.

    Another beautiful, beautiful reflection! The description of the cardinal pair against the backdrop of your winter-emerging trees causes us to look again and think about it all.
    Their red and that of your “Cardinals” and our “Red Sox” – surely do signal spring!
    I really like the substitution of the word “compassionate” for “perfect.” It really gives one a lot to think about. And a much needed reminder in the words of St. Therese! Just to be, is a blessing! Thank you!

    Keep us posted. God Bless!
    Kathleen

  • I have just registered to your website this morning and already I have learned something in your definition or substitution of the word compassionate. I have read you for years in my small book Living Faith in which our Spiritual director has had us suscribe to, many years ago. I have been praying for you since reading that you were going through a health challenge.Today in my time of meditation I had a ” haha” moment to check if you would have a website. Prayers and love being sent to you and your family.

  • Thanks, Bea, for your kind note. Thanks for your prayers and good thoughts…

    Steve

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